You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
