I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What drink are we having for lunch?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
