your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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