She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
