If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
