September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
