Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize