First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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