if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The best revenge is premature balding
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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