Is it because I queefed?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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