my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
