All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize