we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
