He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
