Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
