she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
