i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
