he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
