Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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