So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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