I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
