I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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