Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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