I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
