He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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