Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
