It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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