Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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