the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
