end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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