Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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