i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
