I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i love accidental penises.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
