Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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