I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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