you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
