I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
