Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
