Betty ford says i'm here all night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
