One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
