I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
