shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
