We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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