I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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