If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
