I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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