I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
