I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
