i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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