I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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