Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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