yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
