I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
