Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
nutella sex= disaster
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
