I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
