the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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