New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
