Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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