What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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