youre lurking in front of me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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