Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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