Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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