i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
