I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My life is pants optional.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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