Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
